So...Happy New year everyone!!!
I'm up-dateing i guess...
I'm hoping to make this year better....
I havn't been in church in a long time...
I've been blaming God for my mom being sick..
I'm so angry..
She's hurting so bad and i know that getting angry isn't going to help but... i just don't know what to do.
I've found myself doing everything in the last few month that i thought i would never do and shouldn't do.
heh...i'm probabaly about the lowest person on earth right now.

I m not to big on resolutions..beccause i don't ever keep them.
but I want to make this year the best year ever for my mom...no matter what the cost.
I want to get back into church and start trusting In God again...even though it seems so hard to do right now.
I want to go to  school...ive beeen so foolish about it.
I want to stop pushing people away and actual have a social life again.
I want to teach kids more than how to make an art project, sing, or write...
I want to be just a better person all together.

I hope everyone has a happy new year all the way through.
and if you made resolutions i hope that you can keep confidence and make it happen.

& if you care..PLease pray for my mom.

ASHLEy

ut-oh

The greatest update everrrrr!!!

I was told that i needed to update.
so heres my update.
I am getting a car this month if everything goes as planned.
I am going driving with my dad this week.
(see kids, miracles can happen)
I am almost done with the crap load of paper work for school.
my saxophone died.
and i love stawberry milkshakes.

What's your story? lol.

Currently Listening Made to Love By Tobymac Made to Love see related

Well..spring is finally here.
with a few summer days.
It's so nice out.

This week is moms surgery.
So i wont be around much for a few weeks.
She has to stay in the hospital for a few days and
cant work for 4-6 weeks.
She wants to go back in two.
but i think that'll be to soon.
i think this surgery is more serious than she thinks it is.
So please keep my mom in prayer.
thanks.

At the beginning of the month I went to pittsburgh with ALC Youth group.
We went to acquire the fire and it was totally amazing.
I was excited to see the bands play and such but they definitly weren't the
highlite of my weekend.
How about this...Ive always though that when I worshiped God that I gave him my all.
Worshiping him wholeheartedly.
well...I wasnt. Even though I wanted to believe that I was.
So that weekend I felt what it was like to give God everything.
to let go of everything in my head and just give thanks to him.
the thanks that was needed.
and then theres this crap in my life that keeps bringing me down.
Its so hard sometimes to give God my all when everything is pulling me.
but i guess things arent suppose to be easy.
I just want to life everyday like that night.
Worshiping and praising God in all i do.

Everyone is getting married.
like seriously. most of my friends are all married of going to be very soon.
I have like 4 weddings to go to so far this summer and they are all around my age.
So it makes me sad.
but yeah, like Joy and Josh this weekend.
I am so happy for them and i feel honored to be part of there bridal party.
and then i keep thinking that I want to hurry up and go through school.
get married and have a family.
If i didnt go to school, all id want is to have a family.
I know..Im only 19...but i guess i should stop looking at the future so much
and deal with the present. lol.
but it just makes me feel sometimes that maybe i'll never be good enough for anyone.
and i dont deserve what I want.
It's one of those things that keep me away from lving right for God.
because this should be in my thought all the time.

I dont know if i make any sense.
If anyone is reading this.
I just decided to put some thoughts down.
I hope everyone is having a great start of summer!!!